Huckabee Sways Kansas Primate Vote

Special to the Stevey Times

Topeka, Kansas


Huckabee swept the Kansas primary last Saturday after winning support from a diverse group of primates. Exit polls showed that Homosapiens were split evenly between Huckabee and Mccain, but Huckabee won the support of nearly 88% of other primates, including baboons, spider monkeys, and the rare wooly lemur.
Pete Gladlynessor, a zookeeper and amateur political biologist said that most of the primates were likely drawn to Huckabee’s strong stance against evolution. “A lot of these monkeys and apes, don’t want to see public money going to teach evolution in the zoos and safari parks of America.”
Eric Dolsom, a 7 year old striped baboon, said it was not only Huckabee’s creationist philosophy that he found appealing. “I have been struggling with my weight for a long time, and I was moved by Huckabee’s own successful battle with obesity. His weight loss shows the kind of determination and character that we could use in the white house”.


Huckabee supporter Patty Gosamerris , an endangered Mountain Gorilla and a post graduate student at Harvard Law had this to say “If you just sit down and think about it, the idea that a creature of superior intellect like myself is somehow in the process of “evolving” into a human is just absolutely ridiculous. If there is any truth to the theory of evolution, I just hope Darwin was right when he said that it took millions of years. I’d hate to just wake up one day looking like you.” Gosamerris then proceeded to throw her own feces at a crowd of onlookers.


Huckabee camapaign manager Chuck Chuckerson told the Times the campaign is trying to rally support from its primate base for the upcoming Texas primary, but is also courting the marsupial vote. "If every possum shows up at the polls, we will have this thing locked up."

Early results show Karaoke Steve poised to win nomination

Reuters- Washington

Exit polls in all 24 super Tuesday states suggest that Karaoke Steve will win the presidential nomination by a large margin. When exiting voters were asked who they did not vote for, only a handful of voters mentioned Karaoke Steve, a strong sign that Steve will likely sweep the election. Gerald Busbaum, political science chair at ITT Technical Institute, remarked "This is the first time in US history when a single candidate seems likely to win both the Republican and Democratic presidential primaries."
Pollsters also reported a strong showing of support for Steve among Green Party members, American Independent party voters and the deceased.

Karaoke Steve was not available for comment. Steve campaign manager Rick Rickleman replied his candidate could not respond to questions because he was "Sleeping one off."

Hello Americans of the world!

A message from Rick Rickleman.

My fellow Americans. An arduos road lies ahead for our country.
So called "politicians" seem content to stand by as our economy and our educational system teter on the verge of collapse. In many of our public schools, 6th grade students can not even open a simple tin can of beets.

Not long ago, I was lying awake in my Certa brand matress (the only matress with patented Never Ware springs) unable to sleep as I wondered who on Earth would save this great nation. The following day, Karaoke Steve announced his candidacy and now, the answer is clear.

Finally, a true leader has emerged, a leader with the courage to stand up and say "Excuse me, Sir, may I say something".

For nearly a dozen dog years Karaoke Steve has been fighting for the rights of disenfranchised Americans both real and imaginary. Now, let Karaoke Steve fight for you.

Only Karaoke Steve embodies the very ideals that his great country was bulit upon. Indiviualism, Patriotism, and UNENCUMBERED STEVEYNESS.

So on Tuesday, join me, Rick Rickleman and cast your vote for Karaoke Steve.

Vote Loud, Vote Proud, Vote Stevey!

http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=o8YUnhS_JNg#GU5U2spHI_4